he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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