I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize