she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
