Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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