New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
