i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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