So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
