I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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