He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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