I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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