Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
