dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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