Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
