it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
