guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can't trust your balls anymore.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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