In the future we'll all be gay
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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