if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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