You really coming over, don't trick.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
