well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
