We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
