3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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