Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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