Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
