I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
