sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
