Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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