The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Randomize
