Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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