then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
