Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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