I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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