the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
