Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
