Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
