I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
