wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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