capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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