omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
