why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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