dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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