Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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