Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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