he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
