Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize