the condom got lost in my hair
birth control should be required to get into college
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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