Do you still have your period?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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