an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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