my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
