So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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