Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
