i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
