An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
