She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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