It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
