OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
