distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
