Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize