So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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