I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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