The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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