I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
