For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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