Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
