just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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